il Giardino Romantico

There is no future.

未來不存在。

Upon my arrival to my hometown, Taiwan, I was unhappy.  I was unhappy because I kept on dwelling on the thought that the happy life that I had so used to had come to an end.  I have no future because I do not have a job, and consequently will be unable to do the things I want to do or get the things I want to get for a while.  I had a very limited budget on which I can live.  I am unable to relax because I had gotten so used to doing things at my own pace and on my own accord.  I reported to no one, was not dependant on anyone, and neither was I responsible for anyone but myself.  Spending time with the family is obviously a reward in itself, but I find myself constantly thinking about others, and forgetting myself.  'I want to go out, but I'd better ask because they might have other things planned.'  'I want to eat this, but I'd better ask, because it would seem rude if I didn't.'  'I'd like to relax and not think or do anything for a while, but I'd better start looking for a job soon because...'  All these thoughts run across my mind a million times a day.  I was never left alone, yet I felt as lonely as I had ever felt, and consequently, the negativity and virulence soon sprouted from the lack of joy.

2008

Parting is such sweet sorrow.
- The Tragedy of Romeo and Juliet.



Recently, I have often been accused of being overly sentimental.  Can you blame me?  For Taipei, not Taiwan mind you, has been a place that I have unwillingly lived with grudge.  In 2003, I came back to this city disliking it.  In the years that followed, I did not come to like it any better.  Seeing it from the Chinese point of view, Taipei and I are just not compatible in anyway. 

However, I had yet another revelation.  True.  Sentimentality is one of my biggest problems in life.  Today, I've decided to turn that into power, and show myself how great a city Taipei really is.  Not unexpectedly, I came home feeling even more sentimental, but in a very positive way. 

[六龜外婆家門外不知名的花紅尾蝶]

這次去南部見到了許多好久沒見到的朋友。也與一位格友第一次相會。除了陪伴外婆，可以說這次的收穫特別多。不過因為遠離自己熟悉的環境，加上在外婆家有許多思考的時間[換句話說就是想太多...]，使得我現在整個陷入一個非常複雜的情緒。

不過光看我碎碎念怕大家閒無聊。順便也看些在六龜拍到的一些大小植物。